So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week. She said: “Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds.” I asked her: “What…
All Jokes
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual…
A man walks into a bar and says “I’m here to drink my troubles away!” “Well mister, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome” says the bartender, “What will it be, what…
Three people want to get into heaven. St Nicholas is the gatekeeper. He says they must give him something related to Christmas to get in. The first person reaches into his pockets…
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, out of nothing poured a bag of dog sh*t on my carpet without asking my permission and said, “Sir, if this vacuum can’t clean…
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains…
A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner…. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there…
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. The desk sergeant replied, “You would get your chance in…
A guy walks into a bar and says “Give me a shot of your finest Whiskey, and pour one for yourself on me!” The bartender is surprised but pleased, so he pours…
Kung Fu student asks his teacher “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls…
There were 3 guys that was sentenced to 5 years in prison under solitary confinement. Feeling sorry for them, the warden allows them a request each. The first guy, a glutton, asks…
A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom’s hand and said,”Momma, look at the bowlegged man!” Mom…