A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The guy orders a beer and the dog flops down on the floor and immediately starts licking its b*tt. “This is my new…
Old lady on a cruise… The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind….
The first vampire tells the other 2 “Hey! I have an idea! Let’s have a competition between the three of us to see who is the best at sucking blood!” Since they…
Man and woman are out on a dinner date. Waiter: “What will you be having tonight ma’am?” Woman: “I’ll have the salad, no nuts please.” Waiter: “Of course.” Man: “But it didn’t…
A woman asks her husband if he would remarry if she died The husband said, “um, we all need someone, so I guess, yeah.” The wife asked, “if I died and you…
A woman is walking her dog along the pier When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves…
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week. She said: “Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds.” I asked her: “What…
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual…
A man walks into a bar and says “I’m here to drink my troubles away!” “Well mister, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome” says the bartender, “What will it be, what…
Three people want to get into heaven. St Nicholas is the gatekeeper. He says they must give him something related to Christmas to get in. The first person reaches into his pockets…
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, out of nothing poured a bag of dog sh*t on my carpet without asking my permission and said, “Sir, if this vacuum can’t clean…
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains…