After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It…
An Escape Plan
Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim. …after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him,…
The Spoiled Husband James
A wife decides to take her husband, James, to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, James! How ya doin’?” His wife is…
A Drunk Monocle
A monocle walks into a bar. After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little uncoordinated). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. “Sorry, buddy,…
A Passionate Pianist
A bloke knocks off and heads home. It’s a foul night, with rain bucketing down, lightning flashing and thunder crashing. He sees a woman on the side of the road, bonnet up,…
I’m Not Sure…
Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs,…
The House’s Not Empty
My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and…
What Did He Say, Morty Darling?
Morty and Selma, an elderly couple, were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you…
It’s Not a Blank Paper
A little girl named Mary was struggling with her art assignment. While the rest of the children handed in beautiful drawings, Mary turned in a blank piece of paper. Confused, the teacher…
Andy Lost $1000
Five old men are playing poker one night, when Andy loses $1000 on a single hand, stands up, clutches his chest and drops dead on the floor. The other four stand up,…
Just My Cigarettes…
Once upon a time Nasa decided to send three astronauts to space for three years. NASA allowed each of them to take 95 kilos of baggage each. The first astronaut decided to…
Thanks For The Advice
A doctor and a chartered accountant were at a party. They were enjoying a couple of drinks and some good conversation when the doctor asked, “How do I manage this delicate issue…