A woman asks her husband if he would remarry if she died The husband said, “um, we all need someone, so I guess, yeah.” The wife asked, “if I died and you…
Category: Jokes
A Heroic Act
A woman is walking her dog along the pier When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves…
A Nice Gift For My GF
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week. She said: “Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds.” I asked her: “What…
A Show With The Dummy
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual…
I Am Drinking My Troubles Away
A man walks into a bar and says “I’m here to drink my troubles away!” “Well mister, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome” says the bartender, “What will it be, what…
How Does This Relate To Christmas?
Three people want to get into heaven. St Nicholas is the gatekeeper. He says they must give him something related to Christmas to get in. The first person reaches into his pockets…
A Vacuum Cleaner
A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, out of nothing poured a bag of dog sh*t on my carpet without asking my permission and said, “Sir, if this vacuum can’t clean…
A Linguistics Professor’s Lecture
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains…
A Group Of Old Girlfriends
A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner…. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there…
I Need To Talk To The Burglar
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. The desk sergeant replied, “You would get your chance in…
Sorry I Have No Money
A guy walks into a bar and says “Give me a shot of your finest Whiskey, and pour one for yourself on me!” The bartender is surprised but pleased, so he pours…
Listen, Dear Pupil
Kung Fu student asks his teacher “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.” And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers: “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls…