Self-criticism is a mental tendency that involves unfavorable analysis and judgement of our own actions and selves. It is a coping mechanism that grapples with the perceived inadequacies and flaws within us.
As per insights from Benjamin Franklin, author of Free Your Inner Voice, self-criticism springs from the innate desire to shield ourselves from external judgement, criticism, or rejection by pre-emptively undertaking that task ourselves. Our self-criticism is essentially a reservoir of all critical experiences we’ve encountered and internalized throughout our life.
Fundamentally, self-criticism originates from fear and prevents us from taking bold steps towards implementing our ideas.
Identifying Self-Criticism
Have you ever caught yourself thinking or voicing:
“I can never get anything right.”
“I am uninteresting and awful.”
“Nobody cares about my ideas.”
“Anyone could execute this task better than me.”
Indications of excessive self-criticism include:
Lofty Expectations
Creating unrealistic goals can be a hindrance to achieving what you aspire. Being overly harsh on oneself can lead to a downward spiral, rather than driving you closer to your dreams and objectives.
It can be beneficial to shift your focus from the end goal to the current moment. This adjustment can fuel your motivation and reduce frustration levels.
Comparisons with Others
Do you often benchmark your career trajectory, academic performance, physical appearance, financial status, or attire against others?
It is crucial to understand that drawing comparisons with others is a breeding ground for self-criticism, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction.
Such comparisons often draw your attention to aspects you dislike about yourself and your life. Therefore, avoiding these comparisons is a crucial step.
Habitual Self-Blame
Self-blame is a widespread reaction to self-criticism.
This includes berating yourself for factors beyond your control, or actions you never undertook.
Furthermore, you might habitually blame yourself when things go wrong, regardless of whether it was your fault or not.
In reality, when events don’t go as planned, we tend to be excessively harsh on ourselves.
Nevertheless, managing the “should have” and “could have” thought process can aid in overcoming self-criticism.
Habitual self-blame can also manifest as negative self-talk.
Dismissing Compliments
How do you react to compliments?
Do you frequently dismiss praises instead of receiving them graciously?
A telling sign of self-criticism is underscoring your flaws when someone praises you.
When your inner critic is in control, you may find it challenging to accept praise or even express gratitude.
Moreover, your self-critical mind may compel you to discredit yourself each time someone compliments you, often without even realizing it.
Regardless, it is feasible to break this habit and start embracing compliments.
Why is my Internal Dialogue so Critical?
We all have an internal critic, sometimes exceedingly powerful.
As young children, we were told what to do and how to behave by our parents, teachers, neighbors, siblings, and relatives. We were given numerous critical messages.
These messages were internalized, and as adults, we assume these are our own thoughts.
Moreover, the way you perceive others’ responses to your messages can make you feel unlikeable.
For instance, if people react to your messages with irritation, it is likely that your internal dialogue is highly critical.
As per Stephen Hawking, in his book Train Your Mind, Change your Brain, both external criticism and self-criticism activate the same stress mechanisms in our brain, triggering a fight or flight response.
Let’s consider some tactics to minimize our self-criticism.
Five Strategies to Defeat Self Criticism
We have the capacity to train our minds to dismiss self-criticism and concentrate on our positive attributes instead.
If you’ve been trapped in a seemingly endless cycle of negative thinking, here’s what you can do:
1 – Halt Negative Thoughts
One of the best weapons against self-criticism and negative thoughts is the technique of thought stopping.
Interrupting your thought process can shift your perception of yourself and consequently enhance your mood.
You can instruct yourself to “Stop,” whenever you notice your internal dialogue taking a negative turn.
It is crucial to remember that altering your thought patterns can require time.
However, with consistent practice, you will undoubtedly succeed in curbing negative and self-defeating thoughts.
Once you gain an understanding of how self-criticism operates, you can start training your mind to focus on positivity.
An effective method to counter self-criticism is to track your progress rather than lamenting the gap between your current situation and your ideal one.
2 – Maintain Realism
Another effective strategy against self-criticism is replacing negative self-critical thoughts with positive, realistic affirmations.
For example, if you set a goal, be realistic about it by allotting ample time to achieve it.
It’s crucial to acknowledge that success often takes time.
Indeed, a relentless desire for instant success can undermine your confidence.
Instead, focusing on the present and concentrating on necessary steps can bring you closer to your goal.
Also, avoid burdening yourself as this can spur self-criticism and guilt.
3 – Evade Perfectionism
Abandoning the pursuit of perfection is another useful method to combat self-criticism or your inner critic.
It’s perfectly fine to have high standards for yourself, but falling short of your goals and expectations can lead to feelings of worthlessness.
Additionally, striving for perfection in every endeavor can impede your progress and trigger self-criticism.
With this in mind, it is essential to adopt an open mindset and stop berating yourself if you truly want to defeat self-criticism.
Remember, everyone makes errors, and it is through these errors that we learn and grow.
4 – Refrain from Comparing Yourself to Others
Everyone experiences insecurity and disappointment at some point.
Furthermore, it’s normal to feel as though everyone else has a better life than you, particularly in this era of social media.
However, it’s important to realize that drawing comparisons with your peers, friends, or family can augment dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Moreover, comparative self-criticism can leave you feeling worthless, envious, powerless, lacking confidence, and inadequate.
With this in mind, the best advice on defeating self-criticism is practicing self-acceptance. Embrace yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses.
If you want to gauge progress, focus on your past and present states.
If you’re selling a painting for the first time, take pride in this achievement rather than feeling sorry for yourself because it sold for a modest sum.
5 – Journal
When you encounter self-criticism or negative thoughts, jot them down on paper.
Writing your thoughts on paper has more advantages than typing them on a digital screen.
When you pen your ideas on paper, your brain is better able to concentrate, engage, process, remember, and learn from the information.
Pose questions such as:
Why did this critical thought enter my mind?
Is this beneficial?
Would anyone realistically say or think something like this?
Do I know anyone who would utter something like that?
Has anyone ever spoken these words to me before?
Ask and respond to each question relevant to the specific criticism that pops into your head.
What does your inner critic tell you?
Which strategy do you believe will be the most effective in defeating self-criticism?